What a Knight!
by Wren Da'ar
Summary: Rating to be safe. Story is cowritten with Lady Bevier. I was bored at work when the idea for this story came to me, so I presented the idea to LB. I noticed a general lack of humorous stories, so thought a funny one would be nice. Enjoy! RR!
1. That's the Stupidest Thing!

Tynian and Bevier belong to David Eddings. As far as I'm concerned, he can have Bevier...if he would just give me Tynian!*Coughcough.*Okay, he could give me Bevier, too. I would promptly give him as a gift to Lady Bevier, whose acquaintance I have only recently made. Lady Bevier/Marjory (yes, they are one and the same character...) belong to, uh, well, Lady Bevier. Carol belongs to me. At least, on good days, she does. Sometimes, I belong to her, though. Depends on who's writing the story... @_@ Neither Marjory or myself are really as wacko as I make us out to be...well, for the most part we're not that ditzy. (Marjory: I am! ^^;;) I didn't write this myself...Lady Bevier helped! So don't blame me for all of the insanity. :D

  
  


The story you are about to read contains real characters. They are all professionals and have highly trained back-up in case something goes wrong. The events in this story should not be tried at home.

  
  


"MARJORY!" The shriek echoed back and forth between mountains.

Marjory turned. "WHAT?" she bellowed back to the girl running to catch up to her.

"You (gasp for breath) will never guess (puff puff) what I have in mind!"

The excitement was infectious and Marjory found herself grinning. "What, Carol?" Carol opened her mouth to speak, and then a blank look glazed over her eyes. "Uhh, Carol? You there? Earth to Carol!" Marjory shoved Carol.

"Huh? Oh, right, my idea! Well, we both love David Eddings-"

"David Eddings is married, you dolt! We can't chase after him!"

"Not him! I meant build some sort of contraption that can take us into his books."

Marjory stared at Carol for a moment. "That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard! A machine to take us into the David Eddings books? Yeah, uh-huh, sounds reeeaaaallll possible to me!" She scowled at Carol for a moment, then a look of curiosity sparked in her eyes. "What do you think we'd need to make something like that?"

Carol squeeled in excitement. "COME ON!" She grabbed Marjory's arm and took off running for, you guessed it, the tool shed.

  
  


Hours later...

  
  


The forest clearing was silent. The crickets had just started chirping and the sun was just starting to set. The silence was broken by a loud crash. "Are we there yet?" came a muffled voice from the machine that had appeared in the middle of the meadow.

"I don't know! But I do know that someone is crushing me!" A loud 'oof' sounded, followed by an 'ouch!' The machine abruptly fell apart, revealing two disheveled young ladies twisted awkwardly on the ground. After much pushing and prodding of each other, they were able to stand up.

"Are we there yet?" Marjory asked again.

"If you ask that one more time, I'm stopping what we're doing and going home!" Carol snapped. They looked around.

"I think we made it," Marjory said. "Shall we look around?"

"Great idea! Lets just hope that we run into the good guys before the bad guys," Carol said.

"Right!" The two set off into the sunset, discussing their plans on their reaction when they ran into their favorite characters from David Eddings Elenium.

  
  


Just after sunset...

  
  


"I'm tired!" Marjory said.

"Stop complaining, this was your idea!" Carol answered.

"No it wasn't!" Marjory replied, outraged.

"Okay, so it wasn't, but it was worth a try," Carol said, grinning. They kept walking. "You know, this whole deal has been really bor..." She cut off when Marjory suddenly shushed her. Listening, she heard it too.

"It's been a long ride," a man said.

"Yeah it has," replied another. "Thankfully, nothing exciting has happened." Marjory and Carol gaped at each other, and then immediately, and probably stupidly, headed towards the voices. Creeping through the underbrush, they were able to come up on the two men's encampment without attracting notice. What they say caused both of their jaws to drop and they just stared.

"Bevier, who's cooking tonight?"

The other man who hadn't spoken smiled slightly. "Why, you are Tynian."

Tynian scowled, then sighed. "I guess I should have known after traveling with Ulath all over the countryside." Bevier laughed and Tynian began cooking supper.

Marjory and Carol continued to stare. They stared at the two knights the entire time that they cooked...and stared some more while they ate...and hadn't stopped staring after they finished eating. "Let's get ready for bed," Bevier yawned. "Tomorrow's going to be even longer." Tynian agreed and they both began getting ready for bed, removing their boots and shirts. Marjory made a slightly strangled noise.

"Did you hear that?" Tynian asked, looking around.

Bevier shrugged, stretching out on his bed roll, hands behind his head. "Age, you know. You lose your hearing, but think you're still hearing things." Tynian threw his Bevier's wadded up cloak at him.

Neither Marjory or Carol had moved. Finally, Carol swallowed and leaned her body over by Marjory, never taking her eyes from Tynian. "You shouldn't stare," she whispered.

Marjory shook herself slightly, then muttered back, "Look who's talking! And I'm not staring!"

"Yeah," Carol replied. "I'm not staring either. I'm just...um...appreciating the view..." That did it. Marjory sniggered slightly, and tried to control it. This didn't help Carol control her laughter. It bubbled up and she guffawed loudly into the night. Marjory fell over in a helpless fit of laughter.

"WITCHES!" They both stopped laughing when they looked up and saw the knights pointing some very deadly-looking swords at them. Well, Bevier used his Lochaber axe...but it was a very deadly-looking Lochaber axe. And when he glared at them like that, he looked like a very deadly-looking Bevier.

"Who are you?" Bevier demanded.

"Lady Bevier," Marjory squeaked.

Tynian stared at Bevier, his sword dropping slightly. "Have you been keeping secrets?" Bevier could only stare at him helplessly.

AN: Okay, this is going to be longer than a chapter. But ideas just keep coming to me!! If you have more ideas, lemme know, please! And lemme know what you think of this chapter! RR!


	2. It's Freezing!

That was fun!*Evil laugh.*And it's only downhill from there. Well, downhill depending on your POV. Those poor knights... :) And those lucky girls! Mwhahahahaaa*starts hacking.*ha*coughcough*ha....Anyway...David Eddings owns all the knights in his books, the two most important being Bevier and Tynian. Lets see what else we can make happen, shall we?

  
  


Sir Bevier and Sir Tynian did the only thing that two sane knights in their position could do with two insane girls that appeared out of nowhere-they tied them to a tree and withdrew to discuss what they could do with them. "What are we going to do? I've never seen a woman like those two before!" Tynian muttered. He cast a glance over at the two girls. They were staring intently at the knights, small smiles tugging at the corners of their mouths.

"Uh, don't take this the wrong way, Tynian, but do you mind if we move somewhere out of their line of sight? It's unnerving the way that they're watching us!" Bevier commented. Tynian nodded agreement and they moved away from the two girls.

"You can't win our love by making us your prisoners!" Carol shouted after them.

Marjory promptly kicked her. "Oh, yes they can! Think about it. If we're they're prisoners, how much time are we going to be spending with them?"

"Oooohhhh," Carol replied. Then she grinned. "Well, it's a good thing we found them before finding someone else...like Martel...or Annias....or Azash..."

"...or Otha....or Adus...or Krager..." Marjory added.

"Yeah, we'd be in trouble if they got us first."

"But now, only our frail, gentle hearts are at stake," Marjory said grandiosely. Carol snickered. The two knights suddenly came into view, looking startled.

"Why do you two know those names?" Bevier asked.

"Well, duh we know those names! All David Eddings fans know those names. And we know how they're plotting against you and how you're searching for Bhelliom to heal Queen Ehlana and then she and Sparhawk will get married and their daughter, whom they'll name Danae, will really be the goddess Aphrael and Sephrenia and Vanion-" Marjory stopped talking when Carol abruptly kicked her.

"Will you stop talking? They're going to think we're crazy!" She smiled at the knights. "What names?" she asked innocently.

"Tynian, it's going to be a looong night," Bevier sighed. "I think we can trust them, though," he continued cautiously.

"If we untie you, will you both promise to not try and kill us or run away?" Tynian asked them.

"Now, why would we want to run away when the two of you are here?" Carol asked. Marjory was nodding vigorously in agreement. The knights glanced at each other, confused, but untied the two girls and then gave them their blankets with a sigh. The knights wrapped up in their cloaks to sleep.

  
  


Morning hadn't come yet, but Marjory was shivering violently under the blanket. "C-C-Carol?"

She mumbled something incoherent, but the name 'Tynian' came out loud and clear. Marjory reached out of the blanket and pinched Carol on the arm. She sat bolt upright, gasping, "YES! I'll marry you!"

"Pleasant dream?" Marjory asked mildly. 

Carol looked around. "Drat! It was just a dream, wasn't it?"

"Lets get some firewood and build up the fire. It's freezing!" 

They both crawled out of their blankets and wandered off. It didn't take them long to find some nice deadwood to build up the fire-they just didn't know how to make the logs small enough to carry back and put on the fire. "I know!" Carol said, snapping her fingers. She led Marjory back to the camp, then motioned her to be quiet and come help. They tiptoed around the two sleeping-and slightly snoring-knights. Carol pointed at Bevier's Lochaber axe and she smiled, giving her thumbs up. Marjory tried to lift it. Carol crept over and helped.

They both held on to the handle and dragged the blade through the ground, leaving a furrow in the direction they were traveling. They finally managed to get it back to their firewood findings. "Sheesh, that's a lot heavier than it looks!" Marjory exclaimed. "And I'm feeling much warmer from our exertion." They grinned at each other.

Carol frowned thoughtfully. "Um, if neither of us can lift this axe alone, how are we going to cut the wood?"

Marjory chewed on her bottom lip, thinking. "I know! Help me lift up the blade." They both grabbed the haft near the blade and lifted it. Then they drug it around so that it was over a piece of wood. Carefully positioning the axe sharp side down, they dropped it.

"Brilliant!" Carol exclaimed. They continued this until they had a decent pile of firewood, then loaded up their arms and went back to camp. "It'll be so nice to have a roaring blaze nearby!"

They built up the fire, crawled back into the blankets, and fell fast asleep.


	3. Where is it!

You know, it's probably amazing that they didn't cut themselves...or amputate themselves. O_O But, I figured that there wouldn't be anyone handy around to heal them if I did something so, um, dramatic. David Eddings owns everything except for Marjory and Carol. Lady Bevier owns Marjory and I own Carol. :) Marjory is used with her permission and everything that is posted passes across her screen for her approval. Otherwise, she'd beat me.*Cowers.* ;p~ (Marjory: Hell yes! *waves her spatula threateningly! Mwahahaha! ^_^ )

  
  


"Um, Bevier, I thought that we were trying to avoid notice," Tynian said about an hour later.

Bevier glanced over at him. "We are, why do you ask?"

Tynian pointed wordlessly at the fire, roaring happily away by the two girls that they had found. The blankets were half off of them and twisted around their limbs. One of them had her mouth open, snoring softly. The other girl rolled over onto her back as they watched and smacked the snoring girl with her hand. The snoring girl kicked a bit and rolled onto her side, mouth closed. The girl who had just rolled onto her back heaved a deep breath. Slowly, her jaw went slack and she started drooling. She giggled slightly and rolled back onto her side.

"Are they really still asleep?" Bevier asked. Tynian shrugged helplessly and lay back down, sighing. "Aren't you going to ask 'who's making breakfast?'" Bevier asked him. Tynian laughed back at him.

"Not a chance, this morning. Getting to sleep last night wasn't easy."

Bevier sighed and began getting ready to face the day. After a moment, he tightly asked, "Tynian...did you steal my axe again?"

Tynian sat up, groaning. It hadn't been a very comfortable night. "No, of course not. The last time I did that, you nearly split my head open with it." He grinned at Bevier.

"Then where is it?"

Tynian frowned. "What do you mean, 'where is it?' Weren't you trained to keep your weapons...close..." He stared around the camp. There really was no sign of the Lochaber axe. "Bevier, you don't just lose an axe of that size!" he exclaimed.

Their eyes met at that moment. "The girls!" they said at the same time.

"The fire," Bevier continued, "it all begins to make sense. If they used my battle-axe as a common wood-axe..." He was speaking through clenched teeth and actually beginning to grind them. He and Tynian approached the two sleeping girls.

"They look so innocent, don't they?" Tynian asked wryly.

Bevier threw him a dark look. Politely, he cleared his throat. They continued to sleep. "Ladies?" he asked. Nothing. He cast Tynian an irritable look. "The only person I know who sleeps this soundly is Sparhawk...and that's only when Vanion's giving his sermon about the daisy being as great as the rose in the sight of god."

Tynian grinned. "Then we'll have to wake them up the same sort of way that we'd wake up Sparhawk, won't we?"

Bevier's answering grin was evil. "Too bad we can't push them over in a chair."

"Yes, it is. We'll just have to pull their blankets away from them." Bevier chuckled. They each seized a blanket and, with their not inconsiderable strength, ripped the blankets away from the sleeping girls.

They went up for a moment with the blankets, then fell heavily on the ground. "OW! Carol, what did you do this time!" one of them yelled.

"I didn't do it, Marjory," the one called Carol grumped. She sat up and began rubbing her behind and eyes at the same time. "Whoever did that is so gonna pay!" she snarled.

Marjory agreed from where she was still laying. Her hand started searching for the blanket. Instead, it found Bevier's leg. She paused and then slowly started feeling her way up the leg. "Carol, is that you're leg?"

Carol glanced over at her. She blinked, then leapt into the air. "IT WASN'T A DREAM!" She spun around and faced Tynian. "You're real!" She instantly tackled him, hugging him tightly. "I'm so glad you're here!"

Marjory opened her eyes and found her hand on Bevier's thigh. She jumped back, face bursting into flame. Bevier was also blushing brightly. "Madam," he choked out, "is it a custom of your's to grope men when you first wake up?"

Marjory stuttered a bit, then spun around. "Carol, stop hugging that poor man!" Tynian was bravely trying to push her away without hurting the girl.

"Oh, sorry, didn't think about it," Carol said, blushing. "What's for breakfast?" she asked them.

Marjory started laughing. "Guess who's cooking!" she sang out!

"STOP!" Bevier bellowed. "There will be no eating of breakfast until you two explain to me where you put my axe!"

Marjory and Carol locked eyes. "Oh my gosh! We forgot to bring it back!" they said together.

"Where'd we go this morning?" Marjory asked.

"I don't remember! Do you realize how early it was? Just start looking!" Carol answered. She began to run frantically around the camp, peeking under the blankets, moving the horses out of the way, and picking up rocks.

"Carol," Marjory said in exasperation, "you're not going to find an axe the size of his Lochaber under that rock!" Carol looked abashed at that. She tossed the rock over her shoulder and looked helplessly at Marjory. Marjory went to Carol and grabbed her arm. She led her to a small boulder in the middle of the clearing. "But it might be under this one!" she said enthusiastically. "Help me move it!" The two instantly put their backs into trying to get the boulder off the ground.

Meanwhile, after much muttering under their breath, the two knights had noticed a furrow, running straight from Bevier's "bedside" and out into the forest. They looked at each and sighed. "I'll get it," Bevier muttered. "You'd better watch these two. They're likely to hurt themselves." Tynian nodded grim agreement and Bevier walked off into the woods, finding his axe at the end of the trail. Sure enough, it had been used to chop wood.

  
  


Marjory: Like, okay, I have no self esteem, so I've decided to add in a little beg for reviews. REVIEW PEOPLE! Or..uhh… (grabs Tynian and holds her spatula to his head) Or the knight gets it!

Carol: (utter a shriek of rage and pounces upon Marjory) Review and Marjory gets it!

Marjory: But…you need me for the fic ^^;;

Carol: ..darn…


	4. Ambushed, Right?

As you can tell, postings are fewer and farther between, due to the beginning of school.*Twitch.* Not to mention the ability of teachers to suck the "creativity" right out of ya! But, despite these hardships and setbacks...I've finally updated a story! :D Enjoy!! Review! Thank you to those who've reviewed! I almost forgot! Bev and Tyn belong to David Eddings!  
  


By the time Bevier returned to the fire, Marjory and Carol were eating a meal that Tynian had prepared. They had honestly tried cooking, but after starting Tynian's saddle blanket on fire (don't even ask why it was that close to the flame...) he thought it better that he cook. Bevier scowled at a scowling Tynian, and singed, Tynian. "What happened to you?" he muttered, finding a whet stone to sharpen his axe blade.  


"You really don't want to know," Tynian replied. He cast one irritated glance at his partially burned saddle blanket and then another at the two girls, sitting innocently by the fire and eating happily. Tynian stood up abruptly. "Lets just get going. The sooner we get to Vanion, the sooner we can make them his problem."  


It didn't take long for the camp to be taken down. It took a bit longer to decide who was riding with who. "I am not riding with you, Tynian!" "That's right, she's not riding with you, I am!" could be heard echoing throughout the quiet valley. The two knights finally gave up, tossing their hands into the air and giving in to the girls demands.  


Marjory approached Bevier demurely. "I can ride," she announced. "I've had lessons." She delivered a dazzling smile his way.  


"Good," he muttered. He swung up into his saddle, then leaned down and helped Marjory up. She wrapped her arms around him, grinning broadly.  


Tynian mounted up and held his hand out to Carol. "I don't know how to ride," she said. "And I'm afraid that I'll fall off if I ride like Marjory." She was twisting her hands behind her back, acting coy. Tynian sighed and leaned down again.  
  
"You can ride in front of me then," he said resignedly. Carol grinned even more broadly than Marjory and allowed Tynian to swing her up in front of him. Marjory stared at Carol in admiration.  
  
"You know, that was a good idea." She studied Tynian's arms around Carol and Carol's smirking face. "Why didn't I think of that?" she exclaimed.  
  
"Cuz you were too busy showing off," Carol retorted. Marjory stuck her tongue out at Carol and Carol smirked and settled back against Tynian. The two knights gazed at each other in horror.  
  
"I believe that we're surrounded by master manipulators," Tynian muttered.  
  
"Perhaps we should deliver them to Azash...let him deal with them," Bevier answered.  
  
Tynian looked at Bevier in admiration. "You know, these girls may be good for you. I've never heard you joke so much," he grinned. "Or have so many good ideas that don't involve lopping someone's head off with your Lochaber." He nudged his horse into a walk and Bevier followed.  
  
The majority of their morning ride consisted of Marjory and Carol talking-loudly-to each other. When Bevier and Tynian tried to shush them, Marjory smartly replied, "We snuck up on you didn't we?" The knights stuttered and muttered and eventually fell silent. After all, hadn't they?  
  
It was nearing noon when bandits suddenly burst out onto the road, surrounding them. "Well, lookee here!" one of them said, smiling broadly. "If'n you two fine ge'tlemen would be so good as to par' wif yo' horses, women, an' purses, we'd be more'n 'appy t'take 'em off yo' hands fo' you." He grinned, exposing several missing teeth and bad teeth.  
  
Tynian glanced at Bevier. "What do you think?"  
  
Bevier shrugged, then looked at the ruffian. "I'd be more than happy to give you the women," he kept talking over Marjory and Carol's exclamations, "but we really need our purses and horses. Besides, our horses are war-trained and wouldn't allow you to ride them anyway."  
  
"I can't believe he just said that," Carol fumed. "What kind of a barbarian do you like, anyway?" she demanded of Marjory.  
  
"Oh, I can guarantee that we'll be having a discussion about this later tonight!" She smacked Bevier in the back of the head. The bandits looked on in amazement. "Whatever happened to chivalry?" she snarled at him. Because of his armor, she settled for jabbing him in the back of the neck to make her point. "We're damsels in distress! You're supposed to protect us! But do you?"  
  
"Noooo," Carol broke in, getting caught up in Marjory's tirade. She twisted and glared at Tynian.  
  
"What did I do?" he asked desperately, alarmed by the look in the two young women's eyes.  
  
"What did you do? You can ask us that question when you sit there like a clod on the back of your horse and encourage your companion to give us away like so much garbage? Do you realize how bad of a night we've had? Oh no, it wasn't enough that we had to sleep on the ground, but we got cold during the night! Did you two help? NO! You snored on in your blankets and left us to fend for ourselves in building up a fire!" Carol snapped.  
  
Tynian looked confused. "How does last night fit into our current situation?"  
  
"And you used my Lochaber axe to cut your firewood!" Bevier protested. Marjory scrowled, pulling the tiny neck hairs on the back of Bevier's neck. "OW!" he shouted.  
  
"If you wouldn't have left us to freeze," Marjory answered, "we wouldn't have had to resort to such extreme measures!"  
  
"You can keep the women!" the bandit suddenly blurted out, eyes wide. The entire group of bandits were staring at them in wide-eyed amazement.  
  
Marjory and Carol's backs straightened and they turned on the bandits, glaring. "What, suddenly we're not good enough for you?" Carol asked.  
  
"We're not feminine enough for you?" Marjory continued.  
  
"Are you saying I'm fat?" Carol demanded. Marjory gasped, as if scandalized.  
  
"No, NO!" the bandit said. "It's jus' tha'...jus' tha'...um..." He trailed off under the looks of rage that Marjory and Carol delivered him. Bevier and Tynian glanced at one another, then mouthed to the bandit, "We're gonna go." The bandits nodded and stepped out of the way, looking like someone had just hit them over the back of the head with a hammer.  
  
The two knights urged their horses into a walk again, sighing. The bandits tossed them pitying looks, acting as if a funeral procession were passing from among their midst. "And another thing," Carol shrilled, "we wouldn't even be here if it weren't for these two dolts who call themselves knights! And we wouldn't have been viciously attacked by you if they wouldn't have insisted on riding down this road!"  
  
"It's all their fault!" Marjory agreed.   
  
The bandits watched the receding knights with the two women in shock. "I'm thinkin' we jus' got slau'ered," one of them muttered.


	5. Daring Rescues and Making Friends!

Carol's mine...Marjory is Lady Bevier's...Tyn is mine and Bev is Lady Bev's...not really.*Sniff.*Really, those two guys belong to David Eddings. And his wife, Leigh Eddings. She did come up with the names, you know. Smart lady. Good choice. ;) Remember, reviews are our friends, not food! And this is a group effort with Marjory...you can tell when she's writing...it's funny! :D  
  


That evening, they stopped at a farm house. "Do you think this is Aslade's?" Marjory asked. 

Carol shrugged. "So long as they have food, who cares?" Marjory "Mmm'ed" in agreeance. The door to the farm house burst open and a large, blond man could be seen standing in the entrance.

"Sparhawk!" he called back into the house, "Bevier and Tynian are finally back." He glanced back at Bevier and Tynian and could be seen doing a double take. "They, um, brought...friends?"

"Are you thinking that's who I'm thinking it is?" Marjory asked excitedly.

"No Marjory, Ulath doesn't speak that much."

Marjory shot Carol an exasperated glance. "It's Kalten! The human time clock and garbage disposal in the Elenium series!"

"Oh yeah!" Carol said. She and Marjory exchanged broad grins as Bevier and Tynian helped them dismount in front of the house. As their feet touched the ground, Sparhawk came to the door. He looked just as surprised as Kalten had at Bevier and Tynian's "new friends."

"SPARKIE!" Marjory said, throwing her arms wide. "Come and give me a hug, you big broken nosed, robbing the cradle man you!!" Sparhawk stared at her as if she were mad.

Carol looked at Marjory skeptically. "Okay, robbing the cradle I agree with, and broken-nosed can't be argued with...but Sparkie?"  
  
Marjory huffed, "Giving a person a nickname the quickest way to make friends and put the involved parties at their ease. Everyone knows that!" Carol nodded thoughtfully, then turned to Sparhawk and Kalten.  
  
"Well," she said to Kalten, "Sparkie is taken, but we can call you Spike!" Kalten backed slowly into the farm house, eyes wide with...Carol and Marjory could have sworn it was fear, but both decided privately that he was overawed with their generosity.  
  
Tynian sighed and glanced at Bevier. "How did we get lucky enough to escape nicknames?" he asked softly and sarcastically.  
  
Unfortunately, not softly enough... "We call you two 'love'!" Marjory said, whirling to face them.  
  
"Honey-buns!" Carol added.  
  
"Sweet cakes!"  
  
"Muffin tin!"  
  
"Sugar pie..." Marjory started singing and Carol added "honey-bunch!" and together they finished with "you know that I love you!"  
  
They were interrupted with Aslade standing in the door, wooden spoon in one hand and fists on her hips. "What is going on out here? And when did you two start courting helpless young women?"  
  
This remark rendered both knights temporarily dumb with shock. Tynian was the first to recover.  
  
"No! No! Nononononononono! This is not what it appears! We - that is - I mean ….We just…found them! Wandering around the woods!"  
  
"Oh really?" she replied scathingly.  
  
"Yes! Really!"

Bevier was still immobilized. He looked from the girls to Aslade and back again wildly several times..  
  
"Helpless…young…women?" he finally managed in disbelief.  
  
"Oh yes!" squealed Carol, clasping her hands beneath her chin and fluttering her eyelashes at Tynian, "We were all lost in the woods, and we were so frightened! And then these gracious and noble gentlemen saved us!"  
  
"Alas, t'was it so!" cried Marjory, taking her cue from Carol and throwing a rapturous expression on her face. "We were beset upon by bandits and ruffians, and were about to give up hope, when our heroes rescued us from a fate worse than death!" She threw her hand upon her forehead dramatically.  
  
"You must be traumatized." remarked Sparhawk, although it wasn't clear which pair he was talking to.   
  
"Alas, alack, you are right, Good Sir!" gushed Carol.  
  
"We are most fatigued and distressed, us being such delicate and helpless females…" quivered Marjory, before swooning gracefully into the unwilling arms of Bevier. As Carol followed suit, Tynian considered moving out the way, but with a resigned expression he caught her mid-faint. Exchanging pained looks, the two knights made their way into the cottage carrying the "helpless young women".


	6. A Quiet Dinner

By now you should know the drill-READ AND REVIEW! If you do, I'll love you forever and ever! And to those who've reviewed, you're tops! Oh, and that other drill...Bev and Tyn belong to Mr. Dave Eds (can we shorten it like that?) and Marjory belongs to LB and Carol belongs to me. (Insert smart, funny, witty, and sarcastic comment here...)--Yeah, I'm lazy...what of it? :D  
  
***  
  
It was dinnertime. Everyone around the table was quiet-too quiet! Marjory and Carol knew that they had to do something, quick! Carol, with crafty deceitfulness, nudged Marjory with her elbow (hard enough to cause Marjory to spill some of her stew down the front of her shirt) as she sopped up the rest of the thick stew with some bread. Marjory scowled and subtly nudged her back-hard enough for Carol to lose her balance on her chair and nearly fall over. Bevier and Tynian became very focused on eating.  
  
"Don't you two think you should do something about that?" Sparhawk murmured to Bevier and Tynian as he watched Marjory and Carol continue to beat each other (both pretending that no one could see what they were doing).  
  
"Something about what?" Tynian asked, sighing even as he stood up.   
  
Sparhawk grinned slightly. "It must have been a long trip back. Being married to Ehlana, I don't pity you."   
  
Tynian scowled. "Give it a few more minutes, you'll be pitying us soon enough...Ehlana is nothing compared to these two..." He glanced at Bevier pointedly. When Bevier ignored him-equally pointedly-he grabbed his arm to pull him to his feet.  
  
"What?" Bevier asked, gripping the table desperately. "I'm still eating."  
  
"If I have to do something about it, you do to," Tynian said grimly. "Think of it as a knightly sacrifice, if it makes you feel any better." Bevier sighed glumly, but followed Tynian. Marjory and Carol stopped fighting as soon as Bevier and Tynian were standing behind them, delivering angelic smiles up at the knights.   
  
"Might we have a seat-between the two of you?" Bevier asked tightly. The two split up so fast that it was a wonder they were sitting together. Bevier and Tynian glanced at each other, resigned to their fate, and sat down, glowering at the other knights in the room-knights who were carefully avoiding their gaze. Marjory and Carol settled down to stare at the knights.  
  
The minutes began to creep by again. Before long, Marjory's and Carol's gaze began to wander to their empty bowls with forlorn looks on their faces. They turned puppy-dog eyes towards Bevier and Tynian, but to no avail. "FINE!" Marjory snapped. She stood up and filled her bowl with more stew, grumbling under her breath. Carol handed Marjory her bowl, then went and sliced them both another piece of bread, acting huffy.  
  
Ulath glanced at Bevier and Tynian, grinning openly. Marjory and Carol resumed eating while Bevier and Tynian hid their faces in their hands. Once again it was quiet. Too quiet...  
  
Sephrenia finally cleared her throat. "Would you two young ladies mind telling us who you are? Bevier and Tynian seem to have forgotten their manners," she said, shooting a reproving look at the two knights. They gazed helplessly back at her.  
  
"Well, we'd love to tell you all about us," Carol said. "We're our favorite topic! Next to Bevier and Tynian, that is."  
  
"And since we already know all about you, it's bound to be more interesting listening to us talk about ourselves than you telling us about yourselves!" Marjory added brightly.  
  
Carol kicked her under the table...unfortunately, there were two armored knights between them, and she kicked Tynian instead. "OUCH!" She reached under the table and rubbed her foot, glaring at Tynian. "You know, it'd be a lot easier to cuddle with you if you'd take that off! And I'm Carol."

Marjory stuck her tongue out at Carol. "You shouldn't be trying to abuse me. It's the sign of an unhealthy relationship! And my name is Marjory...or Lady Bevier. I prefer the latter," Marjory added cheerfully.  


Kalten promptly choked on the stew he was eating while the rest of the group stared in shock and horror at Bevier and Marjory. "Lady...Bevier?" Sephrenia asked faintly. Bevier sighed and stood up, wandering away from everyone, arms folded across his chest. She looked questioningly in his direction. "Um, when did this happen?"  
  
"Oh, tell them the tale, Marjory!" Carol said excitedly.  
  
Marjory stood up on her seat, posing like a minstrel. "It all began on page 275 of the Diamond Throne! And Bevier, stop sulking, it's not appealing."  
  
Every person in the room stared at her blankly-every person except Carol. She leaned her elbows on the table and whispered to Tynian, "This is gonna be good! I just know it is!"


	7. MarriageKnight

Hehe...poor guys. I'm absolutely loving this. Thanx for reviewing personages! You make writing worth doing...actually, I'm crazy enough that I would probably write it for kicks and giggles, but feedback does help. :) If there's anything you'd like to see happen, feel free to comment! I love plagiaris...I mean, constructive criticism. ;p~ This story really did come out of my own head (which is a scary place to peak into) and, if you've read the entire story, you know who belongs to whom (and yes, that is correct grammar). ALL HAIL DAVID EDDINGS AND LADY BEVIER!*Cackles.*And feel pity for LB...school starts again. On second thought, I feel pity for everyone starting school. And a peculiar bit of envy, since I'm not heading back to school at the moment and my social life just went down the drain. o_O  
  
***  
  
"Allow me to quote my favorite passage of scripture...I mean of David Eddings," Marjory grinned. She cleared her throat. "Just to clear some things up, this isn't when I fell in love with Bevier, just the description of him and your meeting. 'Sir Bevier was a Cyrinic Knight from Arcium. His formal armor was burnished to a silvery sheen, and his surcoat was white. His helmet had no visor, but rather bore heavy cheekpieces and a formidable nose guard. He dismounted in the courtyard, hung his shield and his Lochaber axe on his saddlebow, and removed his helmet. Bevier was young and somewhat slender. His complexion was olive and his hair curly and blue-black.'" (AN~Yes, that is a direct quote from Diamond Throne, pg 244.) Marjory and Carol both sighed at the same time. Marjory turned a dreamy gaze on Bevier and Carol glanced coyly at Tynian.

"Isn't that so romantic?" she asked him.  
  
"You're crazy..." Tynian said, eyes wide as he gazed between the two.  
  
"Only crazy about you!" Carol responded. Marjory cleared her throat again. "Oh, she's getting to the good part! Shhh!"  
  
Marjory perched daintily on the edge of the table, her eyes beginning to spark mischievously. "So, when did I become-oh, I blush just saying it!-Lady Bevier? Well, that becomes a bit more complicated. As we all know, Bevier takes his knightly duties very seriously. It was a quick engagement," she said, rolling her eyes. "And the ceremony was very small and quiet."  
  
"I was there!" Carol chimed in, a mischievous glint entering her eyes as well.  
  
"There were many secret meetings outside the Cyrinic chapter house, beginning in his novitiate. Clandestine meetings under the full moon...passionate embraces...*sigh* the works... Finally, neither of us could wait anymore! We just had to be married so that no one could ever come between us."  
  
Carol leapt to her feet. "That same night, Bevier snuck out of the Cyrinic Chapterhouse and he and Marjory found a quiet little chapel where they could speak their vows to each other." She sighed.  
  
"Naturally," Marjory said, "we needed witnesses. So I brought Carol along and Bevier brought a dear, dear friend who died in battle not long after the wedding."   
  
They all looked at Marjory oddly. "And just who was this dear friend?" Bevier asked tightly.  
  
Marjory tsk'ed. "I understand your pain and frustration, darling. The night was so hectic that I could barely remember Carol was present, let alone a friend of your own. And it's only natural for your mind to block out unpleasant memories." His jaw worked soundlessly, and then he spun around.  
  
Carol took over the narrative again. "I hope that this explains to you why Bevier prays so much," she said solemnly.  
  
Marjory caught her eye and raised an eyebrow. Everyone else looked on, speechless. "It was because he left Marjory not long after they were wed. That's why you've never heard of her and why he prays so much. He is beseeching the Elene god for forgiveness for his heartless abandonment."  
  
"Now hold on just a minute here!" Bevier snarled, whirling around. His jaw and hands were clenched and he was glaring murderously at Marjory. A tiny tick had started under his left eye.   
Marjory reacted quickly, leaping into his startled arms and placing one hand over his lips. "Don't speak of the past, my love. It can only bring back unpleasant memories. Just, let me remember you now and remember only our joyous reunion."  
  
Carol sniffed and patted Tynian's head. "I just love happy endings!"


	8. Are you spies? or RUN AWAY!

Wheee!!! I have toooooo much time on my haaaaaands!!!*Does a little jig.*Despite the comment made by Carol at the end of the last chapter, that was not the end of the story! It would be a very odd place to end the story. :\ Besides, Tynian needs some embarrassment in his life as well. I'm just not sure what Carol will do to him. Of course, I'm not sure what's going to happen either. Did you know that I actually have a plot idea in my head? It's too bad I haven't put it into the story. XD I own nothing! If you want to sue me, please don't. It would be painful to both of us and then you'd have to meet me.*Twitches.*Davey Crockett is a real man, but David Eddings wrote the books! Urm, and David Eddings is also a real man. Marjory/LB belong to LB...she reads everything before I post it. I do that so that she has something other to do than homework...Hehe...

****  
  
"We didn't come here to discuss my married life!" Bevier said, dodging away from Marjory. He turned to Sparhawk. "We came to tell you that someone found out what the password was to get that crazy priest fellow in Rendor moving. His armies are on the march."  
  
Sparhawk drew a deep breath and was about to speak. "RAMSHORN!" Carol blurted. "Who would have figured that out?" she asked Marjory.  
  
"I dunno. It beats the heck out of me. I personally thought it was a very good code-word, something that no one in a million years would have been able to come up with!" Marjory said.  
  
"Besides," Carol added, "there were only two people who knew the secret word-Sparhawk and...what was the guys name again?...oh yes, Arasham."  
  
Marjory began pacing. "So, one of them obviously told!"  
  
"But who could forge the signature of King Obler of Deira?" Carol asked.  
  
Marjory considered a moment. "Can Arasham even read?" Marjory glanced around the room. "Why are you all staring at us like that?" she asked apprehensively. The knights had carefully ringed them and were observing their every stance.  
  
"Surely Azash wouldn't use two young women like these as spies..." Sparhawk muttered, eyes narrowed. "How is it that the two of you came to know what the word was when no one else in this room, save myself, knew what it was?"  
  
Marjory and Carol looked each other in the eye. "Oops," Carol muttered. "I suppose we should tell him."  
  
Marjory agreed. She turned back to Sparhawk. "We can guarantee that we're not spies!"  
  
"Brilliant!" Carol whispered. They both turned to the knights, beaming.  
  
Kalten scratched his head, confused. "Uh, that's it?" Marjory and Carol nodded.   
  
"Would you mind telling us how you can guarantee that you're not spies?" Khalad asked drily.  
  
"We just told you. Isn't our word good enough for you?" Carol asked indignantly.  
  
"Besides," Marjory added, "there are millions of people who know that 'ramshorn' is the word to say if you want an army on the move! Do you realize how many people have read David Eddings?"  
  
"Who's David Eddings?" Kalten asked curiously.  
  
"And, do you honestly think that Lady Bevier would try to bring harm to her husband?" Carol asked. "I mean, he left her. Of the two, I think Marjory is the more trustworthy." Marjory nodded agreement.  
  
"As much as I hate to say it, I don't think they're spies," Tynian muttered. Bevier jerked his head in nodded agreement, though it looked as if his head would fall off from doing so.  
  
"Who's David Eddings?" Kalten asked again. Everyone continued to ignore him.  
  
"Except for the sneaking up and spying on us, they did nothing while we were traveling together to draw suspicion. But Sephrenia, perhaps you should make sure," Bevier said.  
  
Sephrenia nodded. "Why don't you and Tynian go get some sleep. I think you had a long journey." She turned to the two girls. "This won't hurt a bit..." she murmured to them.  
  
~  
  
Bevier walked silently through his room in the farmhouse. He had everything he'd need for the night packed carefully in a bag. He cracked the door to his room open and listened quietly. Some strange song could be heard floating up the stairs from Marjory and Carol. "And this one we dedicate to Bevier when he ruthlessly left Marjory alone. DON'T TURN AROUND, if you want to see my heart breaking..." (AN~I don't know who sings that and I didn't make it up...but please don't sue me. I'll give them full credit if they'll just tell me who they are.) Apparently Sephrenia's spell was making their tongues looser than she had anticipated-if that was possible. He sighed in relief. At least they were still occupied-even if they were lying. He did not leave that girl after marrying her. He shook his head as he shut the door. For the love...he didn't evenmarry her!  
  
Bevier crept over to the window and opened it. Carefully, he climbed out, then closed the shutters from outside. He lowered himself from the ledge, dangling who knew how many feet (AN~or meters, if you prefer-be grateful I didn't give an exact measurement. XD) from the ground and sighed. He'd just have to hope for the best. He let go and dropped to his feet, immediately dropping to a roll so that he wouldn't inadvertently injure himself. He stood up and dusted himself off.  
  
Ah, there's the barn, he thought. He darted from shadow to shadow and entered the barn, climbing up into the loft. Something sharp was suddenly against his throat. "What do you thinkyou're doing?" a voice asked.  
  
"Tynian?"  
  
"Is that you Bevier? What are you doing up here?" He felt the sword tip leave his throat and heard a soft snick as it was sheathed.  
  
"Hiding," he said drily. He paused a moment. "What are you doing here?" Tynian laughed and clapped him on the shoulder. Bevier sighed. "To be honest, Tynian, I'm afraid she'll try and claim marriage rights..." That only set Tynian off laughing. "Don't laugh! You're probably hiding up here because you're afraid that the other one will try and claim that you wanted her to sleep with you and had already proposed!" Tynian immediately stopped laughing.  
  
"You're right," Tynian muttered. He took a deep breath. "Well, what are we going to do about them?"  
  
Bevier snorted. "With our luck, they've probably ingratiated themselves with Aphrael by now."  
  
"She would like someone as random as those two," Tynian agreed bleakly.


	9. Continuing the Journey

Wow it's been a long time! I know, the format is a bit different...and my style may have changed as I've changed. But I read everything over and will try to keep in line with what's going on. This chapter wasn't run by Lady Bev., but future chapters will continue to be. Lady Bev, forgive me! I'm grovelling! But I wasn't sure if I could still contact you (I think I lost your e-mail...). Anyways, on with the madness!

"Look, I don't think it would be a good idea to leave them alone to wander the countryside! That's all I'm saying." Khalad said Bevier and Tynian glared at him. The two they were speaking of were still upstairs, sleeping soundly. They had been up rather late the night before.

"We won't leave them alone to wander the countryside, we'll leave them with Aslade," Sparhawk said. "I'm sure she can handle them." He looked around. One by one, everyone else nodded in agreement.

"Right then...let's get out of here while they're still sleeping!" Tynian said cheerfully.

The roosters had long since given up crowing. It was the pounding on the roof that disturbed them. "Carol, _what_ are you doing?" Marjory snapped, sitting up in the bed they were sharing.

"It wasn't me!" Carol snarled. Again the pounding started, above them. They ran over to the window and leaned out the window, catching sight of the young man sitting on the roof.

"Morning!" he said cheerfully.

"What are you doing?"

"Reshingling the roof before winter comes. Mother would be upset if there were a leak."

"Couldn't you do it some other time?"

"It's almost noon!" They grumbled and pulled back in. The pounding started again.

"I guess we're not getting back to sleep." Marjory stopped in her tracks and returned to the window, staring. "Carol...where are all the horses?"

"In the stable. I thought you were the horse person here."

"They left us." Carol stopped what she was doing and stared.

"What was that?"

"They left us," Marjory repeated between gritted teeth. Carol's eyes also darkened angrily.


	10. Aslade to the Rescue!

"Aslade, they left us." Carol and Marjory stood fuming at the top of the stairs. Aslade looked up, frowning.

"Why are you two still here?"

"We told you, THEY LEFT US!" They both stomped down the stairs, eyes glittering dangerously. "And they're gonna pay..." Marjory said softly. Absently she picked up a knife and started twiddling with it.

"Not that way," Carol said, taking the knife away. "We can come up with something better."

Aslade watched them curiously. "As entertaining as your story was last night about being married to Bevier and such, are you really in love with him?"

"Blasphemy!" Carol gasped. Marjory gaped wide-eyed, a hurt expression crossing her face. Quickly, Carol placed a comforting arm around her shoulder. "Did you but know the measures we have gone to in order to find Bevier and Tynian, such a thought would not even have crossed your mind! It's preposterous that you even had the gall to ask such a thing!"

"H-h-horrible," Marjory sniffed.

Aslade nodded decisively. "Then I'll help you."

"You will?" Marjory asked blankly.

"You will?" Carol repeated.

Aslade smiled mysteriously. "I too had to travel all over the world before I could convince Kurik to settle down. I figure that I owe it to the two of you to help you catch your men. After all, don't we women have to sneak together?" Carol and Marjory nodded. "Now, here's what we're going to do..." Khalad and his brothers were about to enter the house, but upon hearing the laughter of their mother and the two girls, they immediately changed their minds. Lunch could definitely wait.


	11. Helpless Maidens

Chyrellos was an ugly city. But it definitely had two very handsome men running around in there. Two naughty handsome men who were going to be firmly...well they were going to be firmly something'd as soon as Marjory and Carol found them!

As soon as they had laid their plans with Aslade, she had sent them with Khalad to Chyrellos. Although _she_ had made it safely around the world, something told her that _they_ just might need a chaperone.

"Okay Khalad, where does this Dolmant fellow live?"

He sighed. He didn't know the details, but from Aslade's farmhouse clear to the city he had seen them with their heads close together, whispering and conferring. He felt sorry for the two champions. They had thrown down the gauntlet in the face of a foe that they did not know. Khalad's father had not raised him to be stupid, however. He recognized one fight that he did not want to enter and so obediently led them to Dolmant's house.

"Thank you, Khalad. You can go home now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Khalad." Rather than push his luck, the young man fled, but not before hearing a part of what the two young women were calling from outside the door to Dolmant's house. He winced in sympathy yet again for the two knights...

"MURDER! DECEIT! LIES, PAIN, AGONY...DISHONOR!" Marjory shouted up. People stopped curiously in the street and stared at the seemingly mad young woman.

"My good people," Carol said to the crowd, "have you ever seen such pain? No, I quoth, never! For heart has not suffered such since the dawn of time." Dramatically her eyes filled with tears. "But I, yea, her dear sister, do feel her pain. For my heart, too, has been wrenched painfully by the cold, cruel, and bitter hearts of a great knight."

"WOE! WOE IS ME! WOE IS MY SISTER! WOE ARE WE!"

Carol looked at Marjory funny. "Woe are we? What?"

"Just play along," she muttered back. "Yea, woe are we! We two who first trusted in the strength, the honor, and the nobility of the Church Knights." The crowd was getting larger, and a tall, thin man with graying hair had stepped to one of the windows. At the mention of Church Knights, he left the window quickly. "Yea, I am wed to one great knight, who hath left me to wander the world and fend for myself. And my dear, dear sister...betrothed to another who hath engaged a great, foul beast, yea, even the beast of abandonment!"

"Verily," Carol picked up, "are these great knights abandoning us for duty and honor? Perhaps death hath wrought upon them and we, gentle, fair maidens, are left to live this world. Painfully, I say, nay! Such hath not passed. Neither has it been uttered or dreamt in this cold world." She lifted her hands to the sky, raising her voice with them. "But we, WE women without faith, without hope, are left, ABANDONED, by the greatest knights to walk the earth. ALONE!" Her voice caught on a sob and she dropped her head into her hands. Marjory placed her arm around her, tears streaming freely down her face as she stared into the distance.

"Tell me, good people, is this the treatment that men of honor bestow upon virtuous maids?" Marjory asked.

A soft mutter arose in the crowd.

"Is this the treatment that will happen to all who put their faith in these knights?" People looked around nervously, even as some were obviously stirred. "What is to become of you who, not even bound by the ties of love or matrimony, when they treat us thus?" The crowd became more angry, some crying out against the injustice of it.

"Then let us rise up together! Let us find these so-called gallant knights that they may face the judgments of God and answer for their vile abandonment! Find for us, good people, Sir Tynian and Sir Bevier, Champions of their respective orders!" The spell was broken and the crowd dispersed–not to their daily routines, but to find the knights.

"Well done," Carol muttered from behind her hands, her shoulders shaking.

"I'm thinking they're going to have quite the surprise when we see them again," Marjory replied.

The door to Dolmant's house opened. "I'm assuming that you're Dolmant," Carol said drily.

"What have you done?" he whispered, eyes wide and face pale.

The two smiled cheerfully. "We've answered the challenge that the knights have given us. Dolmant, allow us to introduce ourselves. I am Lady Bevier, and this is Carol–betrothed now, is it?–to Sir Tynian. They did something to us that they shouldn't have, and now, we have to find them and make them pay." Dolmant swallowed nervously, even as the crowd could be heard shouting in the distance.

Soooo, this is WAY different than what I remembered. It's kind of going slow, but I guess that should help the rest to be better...I hope. I hope that it picks up in these next couple of chapters too. Ya'll know the drill, that none of this belongs to me alone, but to Marjory, and to David Eddings. Okay, the majority to David Eddings. Anyways, read and review...and for crying out loud, HELP! FIND THE KNIGHTS! MAKE THEM PAY! Spank 'em... ;)


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